i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
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Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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