I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
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We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
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Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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