I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize