Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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