I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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