It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am one with the molecules
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize