I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
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If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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