"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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