drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize