Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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