i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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