Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
is it fun? or sober?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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