I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
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I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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