he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize