i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize