Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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