didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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