checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize