i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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