Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
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Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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