Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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