And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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