The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
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I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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