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Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
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