and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize