So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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