Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize