She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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