All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
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My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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