I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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