8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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