oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
True college students do jello shots in the library
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