Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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