The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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