You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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