So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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