you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize