I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
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Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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