FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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