that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Boobs are out for the taking
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize