And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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