I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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