I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize