there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
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Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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