I seem to have left my pride at pride
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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