I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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