I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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