the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize