don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize