Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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